If I Were A Dragon…

If I were a dragon, I would be so hungry that I could gobble you up right now.

But I wonder how best to cook you?

If I were a dragon, I could barbecue you with my mighty fiery breath

But then I’d get sauce all over the place; my cave would smell like barbecue for weeks.

If I were a dragon I could roast you over a slow moving spit, turning you until you were crisp,

But I really don’t like char-broiled food; it tastes burnt.

If I were a dragon I could dunk you in milk and eat you up like a crunchy knight.

But I always cut myself; the crumbs from the suits of armor make a mess.

If I were a dragon, I could gobble you up like a prince or a princess, a rare treat as there are not many of them.

But I always find them much too young; they are not quite ripe yet.

If I were a dragon, I could feast on you like I would a king,

But I always found kings much too lumpy; their crowns always get stuck in my teeth.

If I were a dragon, I could fry you up like a court jester,

But jesters never go down the right way; I always found they taste kind of funny.

If I were a dragon, I could toast you like a waffle and cover you with butter and syrup,

But I really hate getting my claws all sticky; I’m a rather persnickety dragon.

If I were a dragon, I could melt you like grilled cheese on toast,

But then I would have to bake a loaf of bread big enough; that takes far too long.

If I were a dragon, I could bake you in an oven like a pizza

But I am fresh out of cheese and pepperoni; what’s the point without them really?

If I were a dragon, I could freeze you and put you on a stick like a popsicle

But that would put out my fire; I’m rather attached to it.

If I were a dragon, I could roast you for hours and serve you with lemon sauce.

But you would be too tender; plus, with the lemon sauce you would taste too sour.

If I were a dragon, I could steam you like a hot dog; smushing you in a toasty bun.

But hot dogs must be eaten with ketchup and my ketchup bottle is all clogged.

If I were a dragon, I could snack on you, one delicious bite at a time.

But I wonder if you would be too sweet; nah, I bet you would be delicious.

If I were a dragon, maybe I wouldn’t eat you at all.

But I would keep you as my human and we could fly away on wonderful adventures together; eating whatever we wanted.

If I were a dragon that’s what I would do; I would love you best of all.