Princess Gertie – Woodland Walks and Keeping House

Day seven brought us a lesson in geography, that’s the study of maps. Princess Penelope handed us maps of the forests in all of our ten kingdoms.

“You must memorize these maps so that you know the woods inside and out. You must know how to get home from all of them. You must never get lost.”

I raised my hand again.

Princess Penelope didn’t even let me ask why this time. She just said loudly, “BECAUSE, princesses take walks through the woods all of the time; because they often meet handsome princes in there; and because they are friends with all of the woodland animals.”

“But,” I said carefully, “What if there are witches in the woods, or strangers? What if there are creepy cottages or dragons? What if the witch that lived in the woods had a cottage and it had lots of candy but all she wanted to do was eat us? What then? Then you’d be sorry for telling us to walk in the woods. Why do we have to learn about the maps?” I asked and then I answered, “I know, I know because that’s just what princesses do. But I still don’t get it.”

Charm School – Day Eight

When we got to day eight, I think all of the princesses were kind of suspicious. Princess Penelope had told us the day before to dress in our messiest clothes. Since that was something that princesses never did, we all knew that something was up. When we got to the school, Princess Penelope handed us buckets and mops.

“Princesses,” she said, “must know how to clean all kinds of things, from cottages where little men live to houses where evil stepmothers reside, to even their own castle.”

She knew it was coming; she had to know. I had to ask because I had a suspicion that she was using us to clean the school just so she didn’t have to do it.  “Why? Why do we have to know how to clean? Won’t we have staff to do it for us? Why would be cleaning for little men and all of the kings and queens are married so there aren’t any wicked stepmothers. Why do we have to know how to clean, Princess Penelope, why?”

“BECAUSE THAT IS JUST WHAT PRINCESSES DO!” She yelled. I reminded her that princesses must never lose their tempers. I think her head was starting to steam. “Now clean!” She said, and then added very sweetly, “please.”