Chapter Four: With a Heavy Heart

Carrie managed to get some sleep that evening, after she wore herself out with all the tears she had cried. Her face showed the effects of last night’s emotional torment. Her eyes were red and swollen. Her cheeks were puffy, and her nose would have made Rudolph glow with envy. Now what was left for her was to decide what to do. She couldn’t call her parents; they weren’t home. Carrie and Jon had sent them on a month-long trip to Ireland to celebrate their thirtieth wedding anniversary. They had only been gone a week.  Lea would have been no use; she would have only got angry to know that Carrie had turned him down. Lea loved Jon and thought he was perfect for her best friend. She always said that Jon made Carrie relive her childhood and put a smile on the face of one who had become so serious, so young. Jon’s mother would have been no help either. She just wouldn’t have understood. And outside of that, Carrie found herself virtually alone and that was a very scary place to be.

Carrie had never had the time to invoke any long-lasting friendships. Having a successful writing career was hard work. Research and publicity kept you on the run a lot of the time and then, there was a lot of time spent locked up in your apartment with your computer as your only friend.  Plus, after you sold one or two books to Hollywood, the money rolled in and with that came people out of the walls who claimed to know you; claimed that they owned a piece of your life, when they knew nothing about you at all. Carrie learned early to be distrustful of people. Her agent always told her she was too nice for her own good.

Her agent! That was who she would go to. Raymond would understand. Raymond was gay and his partner, Tomas and he had falling outs now and again. Raymond would understand her need to get away for a while. Plus, he would be so excited that she wanted to work on her book in a new atmosphere. He was always willing to help out one of his author’s so that they wouldn’t get stale. She called the office and made an appointment with his secretary at 11:30. She had a few hours to kill before then. So Carrie went upstairs to the loft and got a shower. She tried to let the hot water relax her muscles, but the tears fell unbidden from her eyes anyway. God, she was a mess.

“Get yourself together, Carridelle!” she said to her reflection as she toweled herself off.  “The world isn’t ready to see you this much of a mess. Besides, it isn’t as though you broke up with him. It is just a small hiatus until you figure out what is going on in this head of yours.” And then she laughed; talking to oneself is a sure sign of insanity. Oh well. Depressed, insane and unsure were a terrific combination.  

Carrie got dressed and studied herself in the mirror. On the outside, she looked calm, cool and collected, the picture of the young urban professional. But inside she was losing control. She looked at the clock, “Hmm 9:00, I still have two and a half hours to kill.” Carrie did what any red-blooded American girl does when trying to sort something out; she went shopping.

After traveling around to the local boutiques, she rushed into Raymond’s office at near 11:30. Raymond was his usual flamboyant self, dressed in a black suit with a bright purple shirt and a thin white tie. No matter how much anyone tried to settle him down, he would just not stop being a little silly, a little daring, a little against the grain. Carrie loved that about him, and he absolutely adored Carrie. Jon always said if Raymond wasn’t gay, he would be jealous. It was that thought that brought her down as she made herself comfortable sitting down opposite the face of her dear friend.

Raymond finished up his phone call. “Okay come on spill. What is it darling?”

“Nothing Raymond, I’m just peachy! Don’t I look it?”

“Hmmm, let me see, my best author bounds into my office with bags full of things she probably already has two of in her wardrobe and is wearing sunglasses despite the oppressively cloudy day outside. I’m thinking something is not right in your world sunshine!!”

“Jon and I had a fight last night.”

“Oh, I see, it’s the love in your life! Of course, it’s always the man isn’t it?”

Carrie had to laugh; you just couldn’t help it with Raymond. He had that way about him. “Jon wants me to marry him.”

“Oh, congratulations sweetie! Do I get to be a bridesmaid?” Raymond asked then looked at her face, “Or is this not a good thing?”

“It’s a good thing, but I am not ready yet Ray. I can’t explain it I just feel there is something out there that I haven’t done yet. Something that needs me.”

“Oh sugar, he must be so upset right now and you, you poor thing. Well tell me, what can Raymond do to make you feel better?”

“Actually, I want to get away. I need to work on my new book anyway and I need time to myself to think.”

“Oooh, are you finally gonna hang up that tired old cop and break out of your shell?”

Carrie laughed. Raymond was always trying to get her to break out and write something new, something exciting. She doubted that her readers would appreciate it one little bit. They had grown accustomed to her romance detective novels and they would never accept anything else from her. Carrie always thought it was amazing that she could write romance novels, being so unfamiliar with it herself.

“Who knows, Raymond maybe this time I will.”

“I don’t believe it. You are going to drag out that tired old Officer McFuddy-Dudddy and his partner, the ice princess again I just know it. Don’t get my hopes up like that sunshine!”

“Hey! Well Officer McFuddy-Duddy has made us a lot of money.”

“PPPTTTTHHH! What’s money in the face of artistic integrity?”

It was an old argument, but one Carrie knew well. They had it all of the time. “Well anyway, Raymond I need to get away, you wouldn’t know of any place a heart-broken girl could go do you?”

“Hmmm. As a matter of fact, I do think I can arrange something. I have a friend that has this house that he inherited. It is a huge house by the sea. No one has been in it for a while except for the cleaners every month or so. He wants to put it up for sale, so he needs someone to open it up. He wants it to give it a modern lived-in feel instead of a lonely stately old mansion. You up for it? All expenses paid!”

“By the sea you say?” Where at? It sounds like it could be fun. It’s probably full of interesting antiques and things.”

“It’s in Martha’s Vineyard, but I don’t think it’s anywhere near the Kennedy’s or I would be there myself.”

Carrie giggled, “As if Tomas would let you anywhere near those men.”

“He has nothing to be worried about he knows I am a one-man woman…er…man. Besides I think all of them are straight, sigh, such a loss.”

Carrie laughed at him again. “Alright” she said, “I’m in. Just give me a day to get my things packed and notify all of the right people. If it wouldn’t be imposing too much, could you walk across the street and check on the apartment every once in a while, when you are home? I’ll have my mail forwarded and all but I’d like to think it was looked after.”

“Oh honey, I’ll just use my binoculars like I usually do.” Raymond said with a wave of his hand and a wink.

Carrie gave him a quick hug and bolted out of the office to get her things ready and pack.