Chapter Eleven: Ice Princess

The remainder of the summer it was just Donny, Cleo and I and eventually even Cleo started to make up excuses so that Donny and I would have time to spend together. To make up for it, every minute that I wasn’t with Donny, I spent with Cleo. We had a great time. We went horseback riding at a local park. We went to roller rinks. We spent long days at the beach. Having Cleo around was like having an older sister. We had the best relationship. I was really going to miss her when she went to California.

Spending my days with Cleo often meant my nights were free to spend at home or with Donny. When I was with him, I felt like I was walking on air. He opened the car door for me. He always treated no matter where we went. Many nights we went to the beach or up to the point to make out. Sometimes we would go to the movies or go bowling. There would be times we would go to the drive-in, which required going out of town a little ways. I didn’t do that too often though cause it made Grammy a little worried. I tried to stay close to home for her sake.

We got along wonderfully. We never fought… well I can’t say that…. almost never. Donny was insistent that we “go all the way” before summer was over. I had no desire to sleep with him so soon. In the first place, who knew if he would be around in the fall? He never did tell me his plans. And sure, I knew that that’s what people did, but that’s what my momma did too, and look where it got her and daddy. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes they did. I didn’t want to wind up like them. So, before I slept with him, he better be darn sure that he loved me and that I loved him.

I talked to Cleo about it sometimes. It was not that Cleo was sleeping around. In fact, I can’t say as I ever saw her with anyone besides Donny. But she seemed so worldly, like she knew everything though she was only a year older than me. Sometimes I would get the feeling that Cleo had a secret, one that she longed to share with me but never could. It probably had something to do with her family. Anyway, Cleo did not want me to sleep with Donny. As much as she loved him, she would say, he was nothing but trouble. He was a great guy to date and all, but there was many a time, he would break a girl’s heart. I didn’t want to believe it but in the end of July he did just that.

I was walking to the park to meet him one day. He told me to brink my skates. We were supposed to go to the roller rink. As I neared the spot where we usually met, I saw him there linked in an embrace with another girl. He watched for me; his head tilted so that he could see me when I approached. As soon as I neared, he kissed her, a full passionate kiss on the lips, the kind that was only shared by lovers.

I felt as though a bucket of water had been dropped on me. I couldn’t move. I stood staring at them, my heart in my throat. Tears were welling up inside of me, but they wouldn’t come. It was surreal. I kept telling myself that I was dreaming. It certainly felt like a nightmare. Somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind, I heard him tell her to go ahead and he would catch up. There was something he had to take care of first. The nubile blonde that he was kissing winked at me and popped her gum. With a flip of her ponytail, she was gone. I wanted to run over and scratch her eyes out, to take that gum and smash it into that cascading mass of blonde curls. But such behavior was beneath me. Well, either that or time did not permit it.

He walked over to me and shook his head, laughing before he spoke, “All that money I wasted on you.”

What? Was it me? I was totally confused by this point. What did he mean… wasted?

“What the hell are you talking about? And who is she? Why are you kissing her?”

“Easy Lucinda, she puts out!”

It took me a minute to realize what he had said, and before I thought about it my hand met his face with a resounding CRACK! He took it well, better than I thought.

“See ya around, Ice Princess.” And with a wave of his hand and a smirk on his face, he was gone.

I ran home as fast as I could, at a dizzying pace. I ran past Grammy, up to my bedroom and locked the door. Soldier was there, curled up in his basket thank goodness. What would I do without at least one faithful guy who stood by me no matter what? I buried my head in his soft fur and let the tears come as they may.

That night I sat down to write Jess a letter. What I could never dare say to him face to face was easy to write on paper. I would not be there when he read it. He was too far away to get in trouble for hurting Donny.

Dear Jessie,

I hope this letter finds you well. How are things down there in Texas? I bet they are hotter than a turkey on Thanksgiving Day. How are things with the Cubans? What is going on with the Cubans anyway?

Please excuse the droplets of water on this letter if they smudge the ink. I am writing to you after one of the worst days in my life. I faced something that seems to me insurmountable but to you must seem like the paltry problems of a teenager, so far from what you are facing.

Today, Donny and I broke up, and no before you ask it was not some silly teenage quarrel.  I think with all that we have been through, I am above such silly things. I told you the last time I wrote to you how good things have been going with Donny. They were, except for one tiny problem.

Donny wanted me to sleep with him. Now don’t go getting all upset big brother. I had my reasons for not telling you about it. I wanted to make up my own mind and you would have just told me to wait. I wanted to do what I thought was right and saying no, was the best thing for me, at least for right now. (You can stop thanking God now.) However, Donny didn’t think saying no was a good idea. So after countless tries to get me into bed, he found someone that would sleep with him.

Some blonde girl with a great body, and who was probably looking for a little danger in her otherwise banal existence, helped him betray me. I guess I will be better off without him, which is what you will undoubtedly say. But it hurts right now. I think I loved him. I guess he did not love me back enough to wait for me. Speaking as a guy and not my older brother, do you think I am an “ice princess?” That is what he called me after he left me.

I know that if you were here, he would be swallowing he teeth right now. So I am kind of glad for the moment that you are so far away. I did slap him before he left, I hope that doesn’t make me too much like daddy. I didn’t even think about it, it just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I was not only angry for me, but I was angry for the sake of that little twit he was sleeping with. He is just sleeping with her, no loyalty, no commitment, and she probably won’t realize it until he leaves her with a child.

I didn’t imagine in my wildest dreams that he would do this to me, and I wonder if I have lost Cleo as a friend along with him. I guess she would not be much of a friend if she did side with him. But I think it would break my heart if she stopped talking to me, we have become that close.

You know the most annoying part about this whole thing? You were right all along about Donny.  He did break my heart.

Sisterly love always,

Lucy

I stayed in my room for about a week after the incident. I only came out to eat meals with the family. Grammy knew something was wrong. She did try to get me to talk about it. I was glad of that. Grammy was the only adult in my life that cared about me long enough to try and interfere. But I wouldn’t tell her at first. Maybe some day, but the wound was still too fresh to tell her about without it hurting her too. Besides she would have done some foolish thing that grandmothers do. Like she would have insisted on calling, “that boy’s parents.” But it would have done no good. He had no parents to speak of really. His mom was an alcoholic and his dad up and left them when he was four. Maybe that is why Donny and I clicked so well. We came from similar backgrounds.

I did get some support though. Jessie’s letter arrived just over a week after I sent mine out to him. Cleo came by the same day. Jessie was more understanding than I thought he would be. People never stop surprising me. Grammy says that’s a good thing. If we were able to judge people correctly, the moment we meet them then there would be no point in getting to know them. I guess she was right.

Dear Cinder:

Hey Cinder, how are you? I can tell you what I know about Cuba, which is not a lot. In 1952, the dictator of Cuba, Fulgencio Batista, halted elections for the Cuban House of Representatives, which basically ended democracy in Cuba and really ticked off some guy who was running for election by the name of Fidel Castro.

Anyway, Fidel went to prison for his attempt to overthrow the Batista government. In 1955, Castro was released from prison, and he came back in 1956 to try and overthrow the government again. Again, he failed, but enough of his men survived that he was able to hold up in a local mountain range and has been gaining major support for his movement from the Cuban people. They think he is going to plan a coup again. Some of his ideas are revolutionary, communist in their origin. If he successfully manages to gain control of Cuba, it could mean big trouble of the US.  Hopefully next year we will get a president who will be able to handle these problems.

So that is the news from down here. I will be completing my training in December so if he makes no moves before then I will be able to go to Europe. Now as for your problems…

No, I don’t think you are an ice princess. You are smart is all and cautious. Cinder, you should wait for someone you truly love before you take that kind of step. It is a big one. There are ways though if you decide to go that far to protect yourself from pregnancy. Ask the guy you are going with if you don’t know. Or better yet, ask Cleo, she should be able to tell you.

How do you know when you are truly in love enough to go that far? I don’t know the answer to that. I thought I was in that kind of relationship with Cindy and look what she did to me. All I can say is trust your instincts and they should get you through. You are very smart when it comes to things like that.

Are you like daddy? No, never! Yes, you hit someone but hell he deserved to be hit. If you hadn’t done it, I would have found the SOB when I got home and done it for you. Daddy struck out of his own hatred. It wasn’t Stevie or me he was angry with; it was himself. He could not control that anger and he struck out at us. I hope you can understand that now. God knows it took me long enough to find the answer to that. You struck Donny because he deserved it. Oh, I wish I could show you the difference but I think that is one of those lessons that you have to learn for yourself.

You will not lose Cleo as a friend. She is true blue. I don’t think you will ever lose her. If anything, my guess is, as time goes on, she will become more like family. If she knows about it at all, then she is giving you your space. But my guess is, she hasn’t heard, or she would be right there by your side. See if I am not right about that Cinder.

I will write more soon. Some buddies and I are going into town tonight to break some Texas girls’ hearts (more like they’ll break mine).

Brotherly Love Forever,

Jess

I was wondering when my brother had become so mature. When he left, I felt like I was older then him, and now it seemed as though he was years ahead of me. About the same time, I finished reading that letter, there was a knock on the door and Cleo popped her head in.

“Hey Lucy, what’s up?”

“Hey Cleo. Where the hell have you been?”

“Well, it’s nice to see you too. Geez, you kiss your Grammy with that mouth?”

I giggled; it was hard not to laugh when Cleo was around. “I thought you weren’t talking to me cause of Donny and all.”

“Donny, why? What happened? Did you two have a fight?”

“You might say that. He dumped me.”

“Dumped you? What the hell for? I go away for a week and what the hell happens? You guys just can’t bear to be without me, can you?”

I threw a pillow at her, and we both convulsed into laughter. It felt good to laugh again.  I was so happy to know that she was away and was not avoiding me. “He dumped me because I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t ‘put out’ and because I am an ‘Ice Princess.’ At least that is what he said and then he went and found some girl who would.”

“Son of a…Oh well, you are better off without him Luc. And if you don’t mind me saying so, you don’t seem too broken up about it.”

“Well, I was but it happened a week ago and my brother’s letter made me see that I was a fool to be upset over him.”

“Smart brother you have there. Sounds a lot like my brother. That’s where I was this week, visiting him.” And she said that as casual as you would tell someone that they had lipstick on their collar.

“Brother? You have a brother?”

“Well yeah. Haven’t I ever mentioned him? Well, he’s really my half brother. We have the same mother. His name is Ryan. He’s been away at school for almost three years now. He goes to Cornell. He’s studying to be a banker like daddy. He looks up to him, though I don’t know why. He wants to work there when he comes home, and chances are he’ll do pretty well too. He’s a brainiac. But he’s a lot of fun to be around and he finally persuaded my mom to let me come and visit him. Mom has her faults, one of them being she is really over-protective of me.”

I took all of that news in, and I was kind of stupefied. It was the most that Cleo had said about her family in the year that I had known her. “Hey Cleo, did you say half-brother?”

“Yeah, but I really don’t want to talk about that right now. Let’s go have some fun plotting against that little punk who used to be your boyfriend.”

So, we left it at that and Grammy liked Cleo a little more that day because she got me to laugh and smile again.