Chapter Nine: Seventeen and Secrets

July 2, 1958 brought my seventeenth birthday. It was the first birthday that I had had in a long while that I remember looking forward to. I was actually happy. Stevie was happy too and was doing so well. Grammy took great care of him and loved him as if he were her own. I guess in a way he was. He was the last piece of her daughter that she had.

I was still hoping that momma would come home. I was the only one that had any contact with her. I always thought it would be cruel to let Grammy and Stevie in on the secret and get their hopes up for nothing. I wasn’t going to share until I was sure she was going to come home. I wouldn’t tell until I got a letter that proved she was mentally stable. Grammy didn’t need more grief and Stevie didn’t need reminders. Sometimes growing up before you were supposed to is hard. There were days when you just wish you could unburden all your problems on the ones you love; only you never want your problems to become their problems. So all of you suffer in silence. Families are funny that way.

My friends had planned a party for me at the beach and Grammy was catering it. She cooked all her best: fried chicken, deviled eggs, salads of all kinds, cornbread, little bite size sandwiches, and a great big vanilla cake with chocolate frosting. She told me I could stay out as late as I wanted, within reason of course. Grammy was great. She just wanted me to be happy.

Grammy had taken Stevie shopping earlier in the week and I thought he was going to burst out of his seat before breakfast was over. He told me he had a surprise for me and he could not wait to share it. I didn’t think he meant share it literally, but he did. What do you want from a seven-year-old boy?

We finished breakfast in a hurry and he told me to close my eyes. I did. and I was really surprised when I felt something warm and soft brush up against my arm and then land with a thud in my lap. I was even more surprised when it moved. Stevie yelled at me to open my eyes, and on my lap was the cutest little beagle puppy I had ever seen. He had great big beautiful brown eyes and a big red bow tied around his neck.

“I figured since Grammy was taking care of me now, you might want something of your own to take care of again.” Stevie said sheepishly, shifting his weight from one foot to another. “Course I would love to help you take care of him and all. And teach him to do tricks and stuff, cause girls can’t do that kind of thing.”

He was so cute, this little brother of mine. “Oh they can’t, can’t they? I asked him. “I think this is just a ploy to get me to share him with you. How would you like to puppy sit while I got to my party tonight?” I asked him, thinking all the while that he really did know more then I thought. Stevie was real intuitive sometimes. His grin from ear to ear was the only answer I needed.

“Hey Stevie,” I said as I scratched behind the ear of my new friend. “What shall we call him?”

“Dunno” said Stevie and started to contemplate it. “How about Buster?”

“Been done. We need something original. How about… hmmm how about Soldier? In honor of Jess.”

“Soldier works! That’s great Sissy,” he said and then he asked if he could take him for a walk. I told him he could and he had Soldier on a leash and out the door before I was done nodding.

Grammy was putting the finishing touches on my cake when she gave me her present. “There’s a box or two over there on the dinette for you.”

I all but ran to the dinette. It had been such a long time since anyone had given me presents for my birthday. Grammy felt that every year was a celebration though, so she spoiled us rotten. I loved Grammy’s philosophy on life, “Live each day to the fullest and have a good time doing it,” she would say. And I guess that Grammy was the smartest person I ever met.

In the first box was a locket. The heart was empty and Grammy said I could fill it with pictures of those I loved best or whatever guy I happened to love that week. I blushed and Grammy laughed. She loved to tease me about boys. I think she was just happy that I could find it in my heart to trust and care about anyone after my parents. The second box was filled with art supplies: drawing pencils, watercolors, paints, markers… anything that I could want to create whatever was in my head.

Grammy came and put her arms around me. She smelled of lilacs and cake and chocolate all mixed together. I loved Grammy’s hugs. They were like curling up with a teddy bear that you absolutely loved or being wrapped up in a warm blanket after you had been out in the rain.

“You’re such a smart girl, Lucy. You can use your mind for anything. I was hoping these tools would help you express some of those things you have hidden in there; some of those feelings that you are too brave to share. Don’t look so surprised my little one. Grammies have the ability to see much more then you want us to. Like for instance, I know by the way you have been tiptoeing around since Jess left, that there is something you want to talk about.”

I gulped. Was Grammy really that omniscient? Could be, I supposed. She really did have an uncanny knack of knowing what was on my mind. “Umm… Grammy. Why did we leave town all those years ago? What really happened to momma and daddy that night?”

“Oh child. That was so many years ago. Do you really want to drag all that out of the box? Your daddy is gone now. Why don’t you keep the memories you have of him tucked safely inside your head? No sense making new ones is there, bad ones that is?”

“I need to know Grammy. Jessie wants me to know. He told me to find out the truth and I am going to do my best for him.”

‘Well I suppose, if Jessie knew, though he never spoke to me about it. You kids sure are a secretive bunch. In my day we just said what was on our minds. You young folk think more about protecting an old fool like me.”

“Grammy, you are not old, and certainly not a fool, but we do love you.”

“Alright then child, here’s the story as far as I know it. Your daddy was an accountant at the bank here in town. He was good at his job as far as I know. Anyway, some day after he had been working there quite a few years, a large sum of money went missing. All roads pointed to him. The police came and questioned your momma that day and it broke her heart to think that he had done something criminal. The strange thing was, they never found any evidence to hold against him, so they couldn’t arrest him. He was fired from his job and the whole town knew about it and what he had done. Your folks decided the best thing to do was get out of town and away from all the blame and the curiosity seekers. They wanted to take you kids where you wouldn’t suffer from your daddy’s mistakes. I don’t think anyone ever found the money.”

“But daddy would never steal anything! He may have been a mean drunk in the end but he was not a thief. He worked hard every day of his life until momma left him. I don’t understand it. But Grammy, if he didn’t do it then where did he get the money to buy the farm? We never had that kind of money.” I was getting really defensive of daddy’s character by now. I knew he would never steal anything.

“I gave them the money child. Your momma came to me and asked me for it and I gave it to her. That was part of the reason your daddy never let her talk to me or see my grandchildren again. He felt ashamed that he had to borrow the money from me. I guess he thought I would hold it over his head, but I would never have done. I guess he thought if he saw me then he would have to pay it back. He was a proud man, your daddy, but he could only do so much with what he had.”

The ranges of emotions running through my head were extraordinary. I felt like my daddy had betrayed me. Then I felt indignation that anyone would dare accuse my daddy of stealing. The man was not a saint, but he would have never done something like that. Curiosity came next. I wanted to know who had taken the money if it wasn’t daddy. But it had to be him; cause momma believed he was capable of it. They never were the same after that night. Their relationship was on a downward slide. It had to be that momma thought or found out he was guilty. But then where was the money? I couldn’t make heads or tails out of it. At least I knew where the gossip came from. This was one of those stories that people like to drag out again and again. There weren’t many scandals in this small town.

Grammy watched the emotions flicker over my face like a slide show that was going to fast.  “Stop worrying about it Lucy. I never did see a child who was more wont to worry. Why don’t you go up and start getting ready for your party? I’ll finish up down here. Go on now.”

I shrugged my shoulders as if to shake off the confusion and turned to go upstairs to the shower. I didn’t get much past the front door when the postman rang the bell to deliver a package all the way from Texas for me. I signed for the package and opened it very carefully. It was from Jess. The card read:

Dear Cinder,

Happy Seventeenth Birthday. Training camp is okay, a lot of hard work but I am enjoying it. I am learning to repair all kinds of things from cars to machines. That kind of stuff ought to come in handy when I come home. After I am done training, I get to travel. I am supposed to be stationed in Europe and then Asia. However, we are keeping an eye on things down here with the Cubans. If that heats up I might have to stay here and I will not get to travel the world for a while.

How are things going up there? Is Stevie still minding Grammy? Tell him I said he better. How is Grammy? Still feisty I bet for an older broad (don’t tell her I said that!) By now you have probably pestered her about daddy and she has told you all that she knows. I have a feeling there is more to the story. I have never known daddy to steal anything… ever. I hope you find out the truth for all of our sakes Cinder.

I bet I am holding you up right now. You are probably getting ready for some big social event to celebrate your birthday. Well go ahead and get your make-up on (just not too much! You are pretty enough without it.) Just use your gift tonight and send me one okay?

Always,

Jessie

I laughed as I read his letter. He knew me so well. Cubans? What is going on with the Cubans? Sometimes I wished I paid more attention in my current events class. Oh well. I unwrapped the box and I was genuinely surprised to see a new camera in there, complete with film. I would make sure someone took a picture of me that night, maybe even a picture with Soldier. Jess would love to see him. I headed upstairs to get ready.