This is a short story I wrote a while back. I am going to post it over several days because it is too long for a one shot. May I introduce Penelope and James?
“Now are you sure it will be safe in here?” questioned Mrs. Nellabell Higgenbottom, such a ridiculous name that her friends called her Nellie. There were those that called her Higgie, but they were not so much her friends. The bellhop eyed the short frumpy lady, in her paisley blue dress, cockeyed floral hat, holding her ridiculous poodle tucked under her arm. Even the poodle’s fur was tinged blue.
“Yes, Mrs. Higgenbottom, The necklace will be fine in the safe.” he said, obviously perturbed that he had to answer the question yet again.
“Oh, and what about my little Poopsie?” she said, holding the dog in front of her face and allowing it to lick her lips. The bellhop cringed.
“With all due respect Madame, this is the Athenaeum Hotel in Piccadilly, we don’t usually place our dogs in the safe.” He knew sarcasm was beyond Higgie’s grasp.
“Oh, you retched little man! As if I would ever think of doing such a thing to mummy’s little baby. Would mummy? Oh no I wouldn’t.”
“I am sure Poopsie will find the accommodations of the Kennel Club suit him beautifully.”
“I hope you are right young man. If one thing happens to my dog, I will have all their jobs and yours for recommending the place. I would take him with me but mummy’s wittle baby will have to stay behind today. Won’t you snookums? I have an all-day meeting at the Tate Museum. I am interested in buying a collection there. After all what else in one to do with so much money?” Nellie said.
There was nothing the disgruntled bellhop hated more than rich American women who flaunted the hard-won earnings of their rich but deceased husbands. Higgie was exactly that.
“I won’t be back till much later this evening. I have tickets to see the Phantom of the Opera at Her Majesty’s Theatre and then on to Bulloch’s for dinner with my male friend, the first I have dated since poor Mr. Higgenbottom passed away. I won’t be able to pick Poopsie up until tomorrow morning.”
“I am sorry, madam, to hear of Mr. Higgenbottom’s passing.”
“Hmmm?” she asked absentmindedly as she again kissed her dog. “Oh yes, yes,” she noted with a wave of her hand. “It was all so sudden.”
“Bored to death, I fear,” he whispered.
“Eh? What was that young man?”
“Oh, I said you must have been in tears.”
She eyed him suspiciously, “Yes I was incredibly sad after all. Now please be a good boy and take Poopsie to the Kennel for me. I will not be able to see him off. I fear I will cry too hard and make a fool of myself.”
“More like an imbecile.”
She eyed him again. “Eh?”
“I said, that is not possible.” The bellhop bowed and left with the blue poodle under his arm. The dog growled.
Mrs. Higgenbottom wasted no time in leaving her room to set out for her appointments. As soon as she neared the door, a secret code began. The bellhop with the poodle nodded to the food service man who in turn nodded to the doorman. The doorman laid a finger upon his nose when the taxi driver pulled up.
The taxi driver called into his station and spoke in a code unnoticed by his self-absorbed passenger. “I’ll be outta commission mates. Me bird is an all day and night pigeon. Her feathers are very elegant, and she left her eggs to nest in the roost.”
Shannon McCauley - Author 