Dragon Stew (part 4 )

In which James meets Hildegarde and they find a recipe for disaster?

James knocked on the door, once, twice and then again, but received no answer. He knocked a little harder; still there was no answer. He pounded on the door with all of his might and when no one came he tried the handle and found the door unlocked. Upon entering the dark abode, he was able to make out the form of a very small woman standing near the fireplace.

“Who’s there?” she cried in a very shaky voice, “Who disturbs me in my home?”

Sir James was startled by her haggard appearance, she was very old, with long stringy white hair and more wrinkles then a prune. “Hildegarde?”

“Eh? Who’s there? Did you say something? Speak up I can’t hear you!”

Not only was the poor old witch hard of hearing but also she could not see past the end of her nose. She could not make out the man who came into her house.

“Hildagarde?” James shouted. “Are you the Hildagarde who wrote the recipe book for dragons?”

“Sheesh, you don’t have to shout, sonny! I’m right here,” said Hildegarde chuckling as she moved closer to him. “Yes, yes that’s me, but no one has asked me about that in years; isn’t much call for dragon recipes. What can I do for you?”

Sir James told her the horrible story of the beautiful princess trapped in the tower of the hungry and mean dragon. He asked for her help in making the dragon stew.

“Sure, I can help you sonny. But I don’t see so well anymore so if you could read the ingredients I will mix it up for you.”

Poor James did not know what he was getting into when he said yes and started to read the ingredients to the old lady who could not see or hear so well. First she lit the fire under her large cauldron and the air filled with dust and smoke. Our hero coughed. “Oops forgot to clean it out last time,” said Hildegarde and set about cleaning it. When she was done, she filled the base with water from her bucket and asked James to read her the first ingredient.

“Start with the tail of a jumpy lizard,” said James, who was standing far away from the pot so as not to be caught in another cloud of bad smelling smoke. The old witch searched the dusty shelves and found just what she was looking for. Into the pot went the “nail of a grumpy wizard!”

“Add a small piece of a little newt.” Into the pot went some “old and brittle fruit”.

“Next stir in some hair of a really mean goat,” but instead she added drops from a “chilly green moat.” The mixture started to stir and sizzle and it was starting to smell so bad that James had to hold his breath.

“A little fur from off of a bear,” but the poor witch heard, “A little stir and then cough in there.” Shrugging her shoulders, she did as he read but she thought it was pretty gross. James turned green and suddenly did not feel so well.

“Add some sticky sap from a fuzzy tree,” and she added the “honey of a buzzy bee.” The mixture was starting to get hard to stir; it was so thick and sticky.

“Now, put in some fruit that has a core,” well you can guess what happened here, she added the “boot of a giant who snored!” Saw that coming didn’t you?

“Last we need a little gray bat fur.”  Did she add that right?  Oh no, she put in a little “stray cat with a purr.”

She bottled the mixture and sent James on his way. He rode back over nights and through the days, carrying the mixture with him, but it smelled so horrible it almost made him sick.